Typhoon. White Out. Distortion. These are the names of the 3 new flavors of Mountain Dew for this year's "Dewmocracy" The names alone evoke some nice flavors if you ask me.
Here was my thought process: Typhoon? Oh that's probably tropical punch flavored, but different enough from Baja Blast to completely distinguish it. White Out? That's probably lightning flavored. Or mint. Maybe coconut, if someone is really effing disgusting.Distortion hmmm that sounds interesting, it must be something completely out of left field, it just tastes like an insane person's thoughts.
All of these options would have been better than what people actually came up with.
The actual flavors are (hold on to your seats for this): "Baja Blast that we dyed red", "Sierra Mist Citrus", and "We-had-leftover-artificial-lime-flavoring-from-Pepsi-Lime Lime"!
Ummm, WHAT? Did Someone from the 1900's travel through time to suggest these "new" flavors thinking they were still relevant and original?
The site says that Dew fans were the ones to suggest these amazing flavors, and the best ones were chosen for consideration. Really? These were the best flavors people could concoct in their unimaginative brains? A flavor that exists already, and two flavors that are already components of normal Mountain Dew!? What the hell were the other suggestions!? Dirty Diaper? Lobster Vomit? Rust? Seriously, where is the creativity with these new flavors!? When Doritos was putting out new flavors they made an effing cheeseburger in tortilla chip form (and it was DELICIOUS). I'd rather try Cheesburger Dew than have another sip of these shitty excuses for creativity. How much thought did people honestly put into these ideas? "Oh dude you know what'd be cool? If Dew tasted more like Citrus!!" Oh, yeah, good idea douchelord. That's like making KFC taste more like salt, or Starbucks taste more like an asshole. You can't add flavors that are already components of the original product and market it as new! I'm half expecting the next Dewmocracy to consist of the flavors Caffeine, Grapefruit, and Yellow #5, because that's the kind of optimism this "election" instills in me regarding the majority of Mountain Dew drinkers.
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